You do not have to be with someone to build a fantasy, you can do so all on your own. As I mentioned in a previous Theme, writing is a powerful tool of self-realization, and there are no better stories than the ones you make up yourself.
- Take a blank piece of paper.
- Tell the story of how you want to indulge your fetish/fantasy.
- Write in the first person, in the present tense, as if you are doing what you say you want to do in this instant.
- Keep this journal entry handy yet private so that you can read it whenever desired, and turn yourself on.
If you do have a lover, sharing your fetish/fantasy with them can be the most erotic thing you will do.
Set up some quality, undisturbed time with your lover.
The bed can be the greatest venue for this type of sharing because it is where most of your intimate time takes place. Not to mention, you can turn this sharing exercise into sexual play or intercourse if you feel so inspired.
A few ways to start the sharing are:
- "I want to share my most private fantasy with you:..."
- "What I have always wanted to do with you is..."
- "What would turn me on to no end is if we did..."
- "Remember that scene in that movie? I loved it, it turned me on so much!"
Then ask them to reciprocate the sharing:
- "What have you always wanted to try?"
- "What do you think about when you masturbate?"
- "What movie scene would you want to reenact with me?"
If you feel that the above options are too abrupt to go straight into, I suggest turning this sharing into a storytelling exercise.
A perfect opportunity to do so is Shared Masturbation, as you masturbate in front of your lover while they watch you, or as they masturbate in front of you while you watch them.
- Lead by example and start touching yourself while telling your partner what you imagine them doing to you or with you. Tell the story in present tense as though it is happening in this instant so as to engage their mind fully.
- The reverse option is something that I love to do with my lover: have them self-pleasure while you describe a scenario of you both doing a particular activity, in a particular location, with particular objects... It does not have to be addressing one of their fetishes or fantasies; at this point, you might not know what they are yet. But seeing you fully engaged in creating a story of the two of you will, no doubt, turn them on greatly! Once you know more about their fetishes and fantasies, cater your story to indulge them.
However you do this, it is important that you create a zone of no judgement for yourself and for your lover. Do not come down on yourself for having the fetish/fantasy that you have, and certainly do not come down on them; but to the contrary, be present and open with them during their sharing, and be accepting of yourself as you let your mind go wild.